How individuals and families cope with dying, death, grief, loss, and bereavement is as unique as a fingerprint.

The response to the death of a family member or close friend places one in the category of “bereaved" and how one copes with other life events and adapts to one's present and future is also part of the grieving process.

In the broadest context, losses can be thought of as the loss of one's possessions, one's self, one's developmental losses, or one's significant others.

Historically, many grief counsellors and grief therapists have chosen to follow the popular grief counselling theory of the time, usually starting with cognitive reframing.

Hypnosis though can be a deeply powerful approach that helps one recover.

HYPNOSIS

Here’s the proviso … in the author’s opinion, hypnosis should NEVER be used to alter or eliminate the naturally occurring grief response UNLESS the bereaved is stuck on one of the grief steps that is noticeably restricting their lives.

As an example, one client refused to go to her back yard following the death of her husband who died there in his favourite lounger.

Another widow refused to listen to the radio in case “that song,” the couple’s favourite, was played.

Still another resolutely refused to say her dead husband’s name, even in front of family, as she had been told by a counsellor to try her best to forget him.

In all of these cases, the emotional upheaval was greater than actually facing the memory properly with a trained grief specialist.

Hypnosis though SHOULD be used to comfort the grieving client to help them better navigate their new normal.

THE BEACH

One of the techniques used by hypnotists is to guide the client to a calming beach, to a hammock on that beach, or to a calm clearing in the forest.

With constant suggestions of inner peace and tranquillity, the hypnotist gently introduces another hammock or chair appearing beside them, and occupied by their loved one.

Or, while languishing in their own hammock, they see a familiar figure walking down the beach from a distance who as they come closer, they recognise as their loved one.

In either case, they recognise their loved one as they remember them on one of their best days, appearing healthy, fit and confident, perhaps when they were on holiday with each other.

The client is reminded of how much they love their dear departed one and how much they’re looking forward to seeing them again.

WHAT TO SAY?

Once face to face, the client is encouraged to say the things they had wanted to say but perhaps didn’t have the chance to say.

Although, PLEASE NOTE that one of this author’s approaches is to introduce the thinking that this experience is never a goodbye, but instead a “see you later.”

Why? One of the things I reinforce during the funeral service, or Celebration of Life, is to think that whenever they think of their loved one, they live again.

I’ve heard hundreds of family members say to me at the funeral home, “This is the worst day of my life …”

I stop them and reframe that expression by suggesting that the day their loved one transitioned might have been considered the worst day of their life, but today is going to be a great remembrance of all the things they loved about their loved one.

Going back to the beach, I encourage a time of remembrance and the re-living of great times together. I suggest their loved one has an inspiring message for them, and suggest they hear it out happily.

Once guided through that, I embed suggestions that their loved one is never “lost” to them, but that they can come to the beach, or clearing in the forest, etc., and speak to them any time they choose.

As with cognitive behavioural training and other grief counselling approaches, once the client is no longer beating themselves up with their loved one’s memory, they tend to seek contact less and less.

As a matter of fact, as time goes on and the normal grief process runs its course, your client will experience a smile rather than a heavy heart.

ABOUT FAITH

We are not here to advocate one faith group or philosophy over another, but once one finds they can more clearly communicate with their loved one, they seem to experience a resurgence of their faith leanings.

Just a word, if you’re not trained as a pastoral counsellor, avoid dabbling in it. Helping a client re-establish their faith leanings is a delicate process that requires specific training.

Most of us chaplains only answer their questions generally as part of the process as it’s more appropriate for clients to ease themselves back into their specific faith teachings so they can accept the philosophies their own denominations offer.

In other words, don’t preach your own stuff. Refer out to a pastor.

TIME HEALS

It can take a long time to grieve. That’s normal, and grief is experienced differently by everyone. That being said, realize that grief is not a permanent state of mind, but rather. a process that everyone goes through.

Too, grief itself is a healing emotion.

Along with it, hypnosis can help calm the mind, organise emotions and help remember your client’s loved one for who they were when they were alive, and not letting them be defined only by their death.

We shall all experience grief, but perhaps it will bring your clients pause when you tell them … “Death is not extinguishing the light; it is only putting out the lamp because the dawn has come.”

Namaste

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Article Researched/Written by Rev. Timothy Jones, OB,
and Published in NGH’s JOURNAL OF HYPNOTISM
In CSIG’s “DEEPENINGS” column

(Updated 2024)

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